Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It's your first day at Tekong...
No more hair, no more pink IC, no more freedom... for the next 2 years...

I rmb i was crying in the carpark at your house last night...
I was really scared... the thought of not being able to see you for 2 weeks was really depressing...
especially since my exams are coming..

You've always been my strength and my sense of motivation when i was down... I could call you anytime of the day and u would always be there, consoling me, cheering me up...

Now, i'm feeling uncertain about when you would call and whether your phone has enough battery... (how are you gonna last 2 weeks with only 3 batteries?!?!??!) i want to talk to you every night and know whether you've been eating... whether you are healthy and alright... whether you have made some close friends.. or how tough was your training...
I'm so worried about you... everytime you injure yourself, you will always hide it from me cos you don't want me to worry... i hope you really take good care of yourself...

I was thinking the whole night.. whether i should just skip the lecture to go with you to Tekong... but i'm really afraid that i won't let you go... and probably all your friends will be laughing at you cos your girlfriend is flooding Tekong just bcos she can't see you for the next 2 weeks...

I thought it through the on the journey home, after helping you pack stuff... the best i could do was to wake up earlier to meet you before going for stupid dev psych lecture! So this morning, i woke up at 7am... i really wanted to see you badly...

you weren't awake yet...
but i hugged you... and u thought you were dreaming...

but i really couldn't stop crying when i thought about how you were going to suffer inside... i heard stories about how bad the food is... even though you aren't fussy about food, i'm sure you will take some time to adjust...
dardar... must take care of our "baby" and eat more ok?

i went to lecture...
but hong xiang kept probing me why my eyes were so red...
i told him.. and i cried again... in lecture...
Anand ran out to buy some chocs for me during lect...
i felt quite touched... haha.. he's a really nice guy...
he said that wating chocs would make me happier..
but.. i think i will just get fat.. and more depressed...

to add to my depression...
i got back my dev psych test... 52%...
arghhhh...its ridiculous...
i studied so hard for this test.. but got such poor grades..
n i nv study for my stats test oso can get 72%...
its so unfair...

i went back to hall to pack my books home..
feel quite bad... i abandoned huan alone in hall for 2 weeks...
and i dun feel like going back next week also...
i guess i will just cry in her face and disrupt her studies too...

dardar...
i know you can't bear to let me go too... i know your heart is crying too... i know you are afraid too... but you just won't show it... it's ok.. i'm helping you to cry it all out... i love the way you smile at me and say "don't cry" while rubbing my tears away... i miss the way you hug me so tight until i can't breathe... i miss rubbing your tummy and talking to our "baby"...

we just ended our call.. you said you just handed over your ic... you said you'd call me later...
and i miss you already.... my tears just can't stop flowing....

how am i going to last 2 weeks???